#23: 11 things to do when it's raining in May
The wet and grey makes me feel oh-so alive and energised
‘I can’t believe this weather’
‘April and it’s raining?’
‘Actually, this year is the greyest it’s ever been. There has been almost no sun at all.’
I woke up this morning, put my gym gear on, grabbed my headphones and stepped outside, only to question my decision as I felt the slight drizzle I’d heard earlier rapidly increase as if to say (through bared and gritted teeth) ‘yeah. Come on. You wanna come outside, yeah? Come on then, see what happens. Come on.’
So, not in the mood for a fight against the elements, I stepped into my car. I looked around, however, and noticed the lady across the road was parked farther down the road than she normally does due to the arsehole with the big van who has stationed himself near her house. I just know she’s scouting for my spot again (the one right outside my front door that she so desperately needs because she can’t be arsed to get her own CCTV). So, I skulked back into my house and decided to get my steps in by walking to the gym later on. Although, I might go on a little drive anyway because I really need birthday cake Timbits to cure me of the seasonal depression I am experiencing in Spring.
There is just so much of everything happening all the time, and it’s driving me mad. Stuff is always happening. There are always things. Living is so exhausting and looking at the shite outside makes it worse. Normally, I don’t mind the rain. As a hermit, the rain theoretically shouldn’t bother me — but it turns out I just like doing things on my own and sometimes I like to be outside.
It’s just a terrible time to be living on this stupid island we call the United Kingdom. Grey, wet, crap, expensive, miserable, and terribly run. The list is endless. If I was a camel, the weather this year has just broken my back. I usually laugh off the quintessentially British moan about the weather — what do you expect! It’s generally rather mild here, at least we don’t get extreme ends of the weather spectrum! And it’s true, we don’t get unbearable heatwaves that last months and we don’t get hurricanes (I do, however, think about that random tornado we had recently and wonder what good there is left in this country. Before you say anything, I have a hospital appointment soon that I have been waiting three years for). But I think I’m allowed to complain when it has been so grey that life almost doesn’t seem worth living. It is May. The weather forecast for the South-West of England says it should be eighteen degrees — the constant downpour makes it feel barely eight. I lost a couple of years to covid, and I am losing my final year before thirty to this horrible weather. It is a dire situation and I am pissed off.
To distract myself from ending it all, I’m trying to look on the bright side (it’s 8am and I have the big light on — it’s staring offensively down at me as the rain thrashes against my window). There are a few things I could be doing, I suppose. I could be productive. I could do something fun and exciting. If you’re in the same boat as me, if you’re clenching your knuckles and your jaw in anger at how horrible this shitty little country is, I’ve compiled a list to help you remember that live is still worth living, even when it’s probably going to flood outside and matey across the road is going to steal your spot as soon as you drive away:
Make your way through that stack of unopened editions of the New Yorker
Sort through your snack bags that have accumulated because there’s nothing else to do but eat
Take your winter clothes back out from under the bed because you’re going to need them for the next month at least
Tidy up a corner of your room that you can do at-home workouts in for when the journey to the gym is too treacherous and you feel fluffy from all the cookies you’ve eaten
Watch whatever show people are complaining about on Twitter. There’s bound to be something too PC, too LGBTQ, too trans, too pandering, too feminist etc etc
Bake a lemon drizzle cake with the intention of having a small sliver, but eat the whole thing over the next three days because you need a sweet treat with your thrice-daily cup of tea that you only really drink because the mug warms your hands
Window-shop for all-inclusives to Turkey on loveholidays
Play some guitar to drown out the sound of the pitter-patter on your window. I suggest starting with Wonderwall.
Dress up and wear your nice perfume, have an M&S cocktail tin while listening to your Ibiza playlist to simulate the feeling of going out
Order a fully-loaded oreo biscoff white chocolate strawberry waffle on Uber Eats and then complain when it’s cancelled because they couldn’t find any drivers
Go outside anyway because you’re not a bitch